As I go for my endowment, and get ready to make more covenants to the Lord, I am tried and tested. Waves of pain and dizziness go threw my body and mind. To feel a thought, as if radiation. Still I endure. I am steadfast in my intent. To make it to the temple. It gets harder as I am also asked to do service in the priesthood. Yet, it is my duty. To expand the kingdom here on Earth. In this piece I pray for grace. The story is great. In it I am humbled through the suffering I endure.
January 12th, 2014
Born and raised in Calgary I went to art college in the late 90's. I had a psychotic break in 2004 and have been trying to make sense of my world ever since. I have learned that to change the world I change myself. In my art I paint automatic paintings that are self portraits, exploring my journey. Exploring the paradoxes of the Real.
Much of my work looks Abstract Expressionist or Action painting with the larger scale works. I work fast. However when they are done I am always looking for the image. In fact there are alway multiple images. More than one painting in one. At one time I would rotate the painting and another fully complete objective painting would emerge. Some can see these, others can not.
Since joining the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints, now being an Elder in the Church, my work explores the dichotomies between what is right and what is wrong. I wear a "Choose The Rite" ring to hold my intent and have it as a moving force in everything I do. The subconscious and unconscious parts of my work pick up on this and the allegories play out.
As the lines blur in the world of what is moral, the gospel says it straight. Now being a bisexual male in a heterosexual world I see with different eyes. To have the intent of marriage, one wife and to live the law of Chastity. The opposition shows up in work showing me where subconsciously I am still at war with myself and the world around me. My portraits show how I am seen by others, each showing an off'ness. Something not quite right. Mentally different from the mainstream. My mental illness coming into the work.
I see threw eyes much of the world does not. My work explores myself, and I share that with the world. It might be egotistical, or it is an exploration of the macrocosm by looking at the microcosm. I must paint and create. It shows me where I am going.
Reality keeps trying to present itself. Contracts are everywhere. I must stay diligent and make contracts that are on Heavenly Fathers side of the line. When I make a mistake I must repent. The ebb and flow of life is dictated by where I put my attention and the opposition is always trying to get my attention. So I must focus my intent on Gods side. To always ask at night that I dream with the Holy Trinity. When I make decisions I must ask the Holy Ghost if I did the right thing. If I didn't, repent. Did I choose Gods will. Was I obedient.
Sometimes when we talk to people we have to say things that go againsed what we want to create as they would not understand, or we are unable to answer the question without going into our past. Then the past becomes manifest in the moment. I find this a challenge. If I talk about my weaknesses, will I then experience it just because I talked about it. I Pray for revelation about how to be in the world but not of it in a good way. I am grateful for my tests as I learn. I am learning how to become like Christ.
The personal blog of artist Shaun Gamache, where he will talk about his work, poetry, upcoming shows, and much more.