Assemblage point 6

I’ve been holding assemblage .7 while assembling assemblage .6. It is been an interesting journey for me. I find myself going into all kinds of pitiful depressions yet I don’t care about them. As I’ve already assembled and locked in assemblage .5, which is the point of not caring and not doing, I find myself in a state of not caring about a lot of things that happen. Now this doesn’t mean I don’t care about anything. I care quite deeply about many things that affect the world. I just don’t give a shit about the small stuff. In assemblage .6, the point of no pity, I am learning to have no pity with compassion and caring. I need to learn to be ruthless yet love the world at the same time. This is kind of like not caring while being a do gooder. I’m planning on going into a ceremony where I drop the mask of the pretender self. What does this mean, I have no idea. I’m going to have to explore what a pretender self actually looks like. I realize that it is my pretense covering up my natural self and my undiscovered self, yet what actually exists underneath. I don’t know that I’m actually conscious of what’s underneath. So I’m hoping that this ceremony will reveal some of what I am naturally. Lately I’ve been feeling very vulnerable. My heart has been so full of emotions I feel like I’m getting hit around like a ping-pong ball. I need some stability in my heart. I want to do the red Lodge program again in the Sweet medicine Sundance Path. I don’t know how to pay for it yet. I guess the universe will decide whether I do it this year or next year. I do love doing that stuff, yet since the valve of fear has been opened in my life I have not been able to conquer it. The first ceremony in the Sweet medicine Sundance Path is the night on the mountain of fear. While of course you work on your fear through the gateways, wouldn’t it be nice to go onto the ceremony again doing it for the second time and actually conquered the fear that paralyzes me so much. I’m also getting married on November 26. This might also be causing me some stress. The decision to live with somebody for the rest of your life, and she wants it for all of eternity, but I love her so much. It will be good. Problem is she doesn’t like the Sweet medicine Sundance Path that much. Well, you don’t have to like everything our partner does.
Assemblage .6 is the gateway between the tonal and the Nagual. The gateway between the physical and the world of spirit. Here I can learn how to double if I  can get my orende to spike high enough. Need 8.4 or somewhere around there. The thought of it excites me, but the concept of actually doing it terrifies me. It is this darn fear thing. I need to overcome my fear.” Fear is the mind killer”, dune. Somehow I must conquer my fear,. I don’t know if it will ever go away, but I think it can become an ally instead of an enemy.
 
Shaun Gamache