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I am working on Carlos Castanada's first gate of dreaming. Being able to transition from the awake dream in to the asleep dream consciously. I can see my hands no problem. I can look at objects fairly easy. I can even kill any dream imposter that enters my dreams and try to screw with me. However I still go unconciouse when I first fall asleep. I wake up in the dream but canot seem to make that transition. I have tried holding my toung to the roof of my head as I sleep but find this too intense energetically. I can not fall asleep while doing it. So on I go. I have epic two hour dreams on a regular basis now but cannot make the transition at the beginning. I also feel in the dreams now. So when I take a hit I feel it and at times it impact my physical body as well. I think all this is awesome. There is much work I can do for this planet in the dreamtime and in my meditations.

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I was told tonight to stop child substance shielding the shit out of everything. What does that mean. It means stop being so emotional and childish about how I am dealing with my world. I was wanting my buttons to come up so I could eradicate them. I was a mess. went manic for two weeks. One giant rev. Get some spirit shields in front so I can be more in the now. I can be unattached and erase my personal history at the same time. If you want to know more about the shields read Song Of The Deer.
Shaun Gamache

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Trust in God, everything else can be a deception
in this how do I experience
in the chaos, riding the wave
of the real and unreal I ask you
What is the difference
to perceive or not perceive
slain by my karmic patterns
I get up from the dead
and walk again

Shaun Gamache

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What is love
it is the everything
can it be one thing
then where am I All of these vibrations of the one love
not all of them comfortable
must be bearable
yet undefinable Formlessness, where is the I Am
This holographic image computer I call
my physical body and surrounding energy
I am the universe
yet I am one point When the dream and physical reality become one
I am lost in my mind
yet that is where my one point is
where there is no ground

Shaun Gamache

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I’ve been holding assemblage .7 while assembling assemblage .6. It is been an interesting journey for me. I find myself going into all kinds of pitiful depressions yet I don’t care about them. As I’ve already assembled and locked in assemblage .5, which is the point of not caring and not doing, I find myself in a state of not caring about a lot of things that happen. Now this doesn’t mean I don’t care about anything. I care quite deeply about many things that affect the world. I just don’t give a shit about the small stuff. In assemblage .6, the point of no pity, I am learning to have no pity with compassion and caring. I need to learn to be ruthless yet love the world at the same time. This is kind of like not caring while being a do gooder. I’m planning on going into a ceremony where I drop the mask of the pretender self. What does this mean, I have no idea. I’m going to have to explore what a pretender self actually looks like. I realize that it is my pretense covering up my natural self and my undiscovered self, yet what actually exists underneath. I don’t know that I’m actually conscious of what’s underneath. So I’m hoping that this ceremony will reveal some of what I am naturally. Lately I’ve been feeling very vulnerable. My heart has been so full of emotions I feel like I’m getting hit around like a ping-pong ball. I need some stability in my heart. I want to do the red Lodge program again in the Sweet medicine Sundance Path. I don’t know how to pay for it yet. I guess the universe will decide whether I do it this year or next year. I do love doing that stuff, yet since the valve of fear has been opened in my life I have not been able to conquer it. The first ceremony in the Sweet medicine Sundance Path is the night on the mountain of fear. While of course you work on your fear through the gateways, wouldn’t it be nice to go onto the ceremony again doing it for the second time and actually conquered the fear that paralyzes me so much. I’m also getting married on November 26. This might also be causing me some stress. The decision to live with somebody for the rest of your life, and she wants it for all of eternity, but I love her so much. It will be good. Problem is she doesn’t like the Sweet medicine Sundance Path that much. Well, you don’t have to like everything our partner does.
Assemblage .6 is the gateway between the tonal and the Nagual. The gateway between the physical and the world of spirit. Here I can learn how to double if I can get my orende to spike high enough. Need 8.4 or somewhere around there. The thought of it excites me, but the concept of actually doing it terrifies me. It is this darn fear thing. I need to overcome my fear.” Fear is the mind killer”, dune. Somehow I must conquer my fear,. I don’t know if it will ever go away, but I think it can become an ally instead of an enemy.

Shaun Gamache

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I look into my universe
I see love, I see pain,
I see expansion into the everything
Do I want to know where I stop

I plant the seed, grow the tree
The fruit becomes plump and moist
But how do I eat the fruit
I just look and stair

The wondrous universe
I look and cry
Labotamized for my survival
I am a spider in it’s hole

I dream the world
But how do I live it
How do I make it so
Trapped in my version of law

I screamed let me be free
Then pleaded for it to be shown to me
The paradox entraps me in the matrix
Must I double to create two worlds

To have no pity in this hopelessness
And in the next moment seeing a horizon
I am going blind
Yet learning a new way to see
The world is pushing me away
Yet I am finding a new one
God, let me see the brilliance of who you are
It is then I might find me

Shaun Gamache

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Abyss

4/25/2016

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Faith is standing at the edge of the abyss, not being able to see the bottom and God asks you to jump, and you do.

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In the universe there are many ways of being. There are many doors to walk through. Wen we choose one path we see one way. There are paths out there that try to use fear to keep you on that one path. A fear of sin. A fear of going to hell. A fear of loosing one’s mind or life.
I have walked multiple paths in this life. I have been deceived and I have been exalted. I know what it is like to fall, and I know what it is like to be disciplined. I must hold to my own truth. There are many ways. There are many paths that lead up the mountain. I did a ceremony once where I tried to take one path all the way to the top of the mountain. I did it till I could see the top. It was less than a hundred yards away, yet there was no path that got me to the peak. I went up half way, came back down and went all the way around it in a circle. Finally I had to jut walk on the rocks and make my own path to the peak.
Then what does one have to do when they reach the top of the mountain, they have to come back down and be amongst the people. Often we are told we must be obedient to God, I agree that my will and Gods will want to become one. Yet often the rules of God are actually the rules of man. Or at lest mans interpretation of what God said. I must live from my own understanding. As I move from one assemblage point to the next, me now being in Six, my understanding changes with each one. What worked before no longer works. I must remain true to who I am in the moment, regardless of what the illusion of the outside world is trying to tell me.

Shaun Gamache

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