Stepping Outside Of Myself

I keep wanting to go into the past, I must stay in the present. As I walk it seems I walk more alone in some ways, other ways I am gaining allies. Or at least I think I am. I don't know everyone's agenda. In this place people seem to only want to help when they get something in return. I have always given freely. I am having a hard time trusting my world. It is a world that changes. Drifting up and down the waves, my mind creating the tempest. I want comfort. I want nurturing. Something that I only get from the spirit. Human touch is absent from my life. I don't know if I know what love is, but I search for it. I look for it in my art. A stranger in my world.

I pray for grace often, and the other day praying for humility where I do not have it. I am often shown the path not to take. Shown where not to go. The thing is I am being made to have to deny these situations with a deliberate action. I am not being allowed to sit and watch. Funny, to observe this with world with unattachement hardly seems real. All the concepts of this world can be given and taken away. Nothing is real about it. My heart feels empty and cold and it hurts. This is why I pray for grace.

Shaun Gamache